Today's visit to Psychiatrist

I went to Psychiatrist today and just got home few minutes ago. Well, as he is psychiatrist he started talking to me about internet and internet transactions in detail from nowhere. I knew that he is doing it not because he wants to know but because he is a psychiatrist, but i went on telling him untill i was really bored of it. I told him what i have been feeling recently. I had no thoughts in my mind about that girl yet i feel it in my heart, a hell feeling which hurts my heart and almost gives me panic attack. Its not that strong attack but it feels, and my heart hurts. He increased my doses in the way he prescribed me a little but strong medicines.

Never eat chocolate again

Now i already know that i am not suppose to eat chocolate if i get panic attacks. But no way i love chocolates so much and yesterday i ate these two huge chocolate bars at evening and then i started feeling sick at night while i was watching a movie The Islane on HBO. I am hell sure its because of those two bars. I didnt get panic attack but i felt very near to it. But as i had already taken Anti Dep, i felt nice as i calm myself down after meditating and breathing slowly and thinking about few nice things in my past. Well, no way. I am going to avoid chocolates from now, untill i get well soon.

Another Panic Attack

Yesterday night i got one panic attack. Well, i went to bed late night from computer and slept, soon i jumped off the bed feeling crazy and thinking oh no i am getting an attack. I dont know why i was thinking about the one i loved. Afterall its all because of her, but still i had no serious thoughts about her in my mind. I could feel all that in my heart. Then i said myself yes its Obsession. I just put a hand on my chest and asked myself what am i going to say to my psychiatrist when i visit him next time? I can feel that just in my heart. Why does it feels in my heart. Is this what really Obsession is? I felt crazy, i was running all over the house while everyone else were sleeping. I felt like telling it to my parents about what was happening to me but i dont know why may be i was embarassed to ask them to comfort me. Then i told my grandmother who sleeps in my room and i went close to her hugged her holded her hand and tried to sleep. I told her i was not feeling well and that i was suffocating. She is pretty close to me so i didnt mind telling her. I felt really nice by hugging her and was able to sleep as i had already taken one Anti Dep 2 hours ago. But then i thought for how long am i going to get comfort from her. She will die soon, i really hope not so soon, but i was just thinking what after her death. I will be left all alone. There will be no one to comfort me. Obsessive persons think that only the one they are obsessed about can bring back happiness by marrying them and being with them. Thats a fact and yes its true in my case, very much. Then i thought the girl i loved so much, the one i am obsessed about wont marry me and wont be with me forever, which hurts. I tried my best to get her out of my head and those sad hurting thoughts. As i was close to granny with her hand on me i felt nice already and i was able to sleep peacefully.

My Lucid Dreams : World of super heroes?

Wow last night i was totally in the world of super hero. I am a lucid dreamer already and this was the first time i got that dream. There were all the super heroes in my dream. Batman, Spider man, Superman, etc etc. Its kinda hard to explain the story but i dont know why we all were fighting all the bad guys to save the world. It was a total war, really. The earth was on war and many people lost their lives. Yeah what i remember for now is that those bad guys controled this huge machine which could release some sort of radiation with which every human and living being on this planet earth would turn in to Mutants and Monsters.

I dont know what super hero i was but yeah as i am a Lucid Dreamer i could fly, obviously and i remember those bad guys had all the latest technology weapons and i was flying to save everyone from their advanced weapons. They were firing missiles on me and i had a power in which with my hand i could control things like if they fired their missiles i could just blow it up in air, lol. Does this all sounds silly ? I am just being serious in explaining my dream. But then they kind of started firing on me with some kind of advanced missiles and thats it, i kind of started flying against it and those missiles were chasing me and i used to take advantage of these tall buildings to get cover untill all the missiles blew up all the buildings.

Thats not all, all those bad villians started to win over us and we were getting out numbered and most of the heroes were injured and still fighting with them. The last thing i remembered that those super villians were successfull in releasing that weird radiation and as those radiation reached towards me i could see all the people changing into Mutants and ugly looking monsters. I was then hidding in some sort of a huge container to prevent myself getting exposed to those radiations and then thats it. I felt that it was the end and i couldnt do anything else even bieng a Lucid Dreamer and thats how i thought i should rather wake up than just suffer hell here. Wow and i woke up but i dont know why my powers are not like god in my dream world even when i am a Lucid Dreamer.

My Lucid Dream

Finally i was able to control my dreams. Yesterday night i had a flying dream and one super agent dream. I didnt take neorological drugs for like 5 days and i once again started fighting with myself mentally. May be thats the reason why i was able to control my dream in my trance state as i suffered a lot in real world during awakened life. The dream was good, it was an ecstacy. The sky was orange and it was a sunset and the world was futuristic. I could fly at a greater speed. The important thing about this dream which made me write it here is that i had a control on my abilities in my dreams like i never ever had before. It was more than just a total control on my abilities. Everything was so perfect and i was enjoying doing each and everything untill the end of my dream yesterday night.
After the first half of my trance state i was somekind of a super agent where i had one female agent with me and one team working with us. It was somekind of a conflict between us and other forces which didnt had any sort of powers but just modern weapons. I dont understand one thing about my lucid dreaming. Everytime i had a lucid dream i felt "Deja Vu". I am not sure why things keep repeating twice even in my dreams. Anyways, i kind of got cought while they were chasing us but i managed to escape getting injured by their weapons. I almost forgot my yesterdays dream because i am writing this at night and i had it yesterday night.

My Lucid Dreams

I have been able to control my dreams since a long time. I dont why my dreams are so real. I am actually aware that my dream is running and thats why it feels and seems so real that i can almost control anything that goes in in my dream. Since a long time i have been controlling my dreams whether flying dream or any horrific dreams. I was able to run or just fly away any situation in my dream. I searched on internet and got to know that such types of dreams are called lucid dreaming. The main source of this information was dreammoods.com which really helped me getting to know about myself and what was it with me and my dreams.

Fake Awakening - My experience

Since all these mental and pschycological issues started with me i have been experiencing very weird things. I used to search a lot on internet about such issue and another thing that i came across on internet this false awakening since everything related to my mental illness seems to be inter-related or connected to each other. When i first read that article i was surprised like hell. What i read was what exactly happened to me before.

What happened with me was, i woke up in the morning and i started doing my morning activities like starting the gas water heater for a bath and arranging something on my desk and getting the laptop for charging. But just after few minutes i realised that i was not really or actually awake, but it was just my dream. I neglected it and went back to sleep and as soon as i woke up again then i started performing my activities, though some different activities this time, still i was not actually awake but was still dreaming. That was my first fake awakening experience.

Sleep Paralysis - My Experience

It was on August 2007, Someday i dont remember which day but i was sleeping in the afternoon on bed. Many thoughts were already running in my mind since i am a worst day dreamer even while i was asleep. I had a very weird feeling in my brain. When i woke up i felt very weak and i was unable to move my body not even my hands or head. It felt strange because i knew that my mom was just out of my room in kitchen so i thought of shouting her name and calling her for help but what can be worst ? I couldnt even shout or even speak anything. Thats where i got hell scared and just jerked off and i was able to wake up. That day i neglected the strange thing that heppened to me in the afternoon after sleeping.

15 days later that something happened to me again. But this time it was different, in the way it was happening to me before me sleeping. That night i felt very sleepy but i could feel numbness. My hands and legs were feeling numb and i thought may be i m getting a panick attack but as i felt very sleepy i neglected it and tried to go back to sleep. But i couldnt sleep because whenever i tried i used to get in the sleep paralysis mode and i was not able to move even my hand and head again. Thats where i just jumped off my bed and woke up and said myself that i cannot sleep tonight anymore. I got online on yahoo messenger and started talking in rooms the whole night. I was wide awake that night and did not even get a one minutes nap because of that strange thing.

That morning my mom woke up and i was still in my room on the computer talking to some new friends that i made by talking the whole night. I told her what happened to me in previous month and she was not shocked by that but said that its pretty natural and it happened to her either. Fortunately, that evening i had an appointment with my pschyciatrist and i had to go to him to tell him my condition. After i finished telling him my health status before leaving i told him about this new strange thing that i have been experiencing since months. He said that its called "sleep paralysis" and thats common and there is nothing harm in it. I was relaxed but when i came home i got on internet and searched for sleep paralysis in wikipedia.org and thats where i got to know that it was some kind of a side effect of the medicines that my pschyciatrist had prescribed me for my panic attacks.

Sleep Paralysis is not harmful

If you are concerned about "sleep paralysis" then before reading further about Sleep Paralysis read this carefully. Well, i just want to tell you that there is no harm or nothing bad about "sleep paralysis" and that it is purely a natural phenomenon that happens with each and every human being atleast twice or many a times in their life time. Dont be affraid if you have experienced what i have experienced. What i have experienced is known as "sleep paralysis" but most of the people just go on the word "paralysis" and think of more horrible things, so please stop considering just that one word. I never knew what Sleep Paralysis was untill i told what i felt to my psychiatrist on my next visit.

Sleep paralysis is not somekind of a dangerous or a risky disease. I have mentioned what i have experienced, her and if you have experienced the same thing that i have then you can say that you have experienced a "sleep paralysis" which again is not harmfull or a serious issue. I agree that it is sometimes scary when you experience sleep paralysis and that you will think that your gone or you are having some serious paralytic issue. But again i am telling you there is no harm in it, and its totally natural. However, there are some reasons why you would experience a sleep paralysis for example some medicines prescribed by the psychiatrist for panic attacks. I dont know whether some people can experience sleep paralysis most of the time, regularly. In that case you should go to the doctor and tell your exact symptoms to him, he would help you, obviously. So just cheer up and dont be scared of it and read my first experience of it.

Causes and dangers of Obsession

Forward and Buck believe that rejection is the trigger of obsessive love. They state four conditions to help identify it, namely, a painful and all-consuming preoccupation with a real or wished-for lover, an insatiable longing either to possess or be possessed by the target of their obsession, rejection by or physical and/or emotional unavailability of their target, and being driven to behave in self-defeating ways by this rejection or unavailability.

Obsessive lovers believe that only the person they fixate on can make them feel happy and fulfilled. ( So TRUE in my case ). Persons close to the love-obsessed can also be greatly affected. Witnessing a friend or family member suffer from the disorder can be distressing.

Dangers of obsession
Obsessive love is a delusion, and therefore can lead to dangerous consequences. Extreme obsessive love can be the cause of stalking, rape, and murder, among other things. In one case, John Hinckley’s obsession for actress Jodie Foster caused him to attempt an assassination on then-President of the United States Ronald Reagan, because he believed it would grab her attention.

My Obsessive Love

Now i never even know this word "obsession". As my treatement continued with my pschyciatrist on regular visits i told him about my condition untill one day when me and him we both felt that i finally got rid of my panic attacks. Because i never had her in my mind but still my heart used to hurt like hell just how it hurts sometimes in love life. I just felt that in my heart even when my mind was calm and off her thoughts, even when i used to study. Thats where he said that its an Obsession. However, he did gave me some medicines for that which really helped me but i dont know when i will totally get rid of panic attacks and this obsessive love. My obsessive lover for her was the result of me loving her intensly from my heart onwards and with all my mind. I put all my mind, emotions and feelings in her and in our love life and took our relation very seriously. Thats the cause of my obsession. However, soon i realised that i was a worst day dreamer and it was all my fault for day dreaming about her which increase my feelings for her in my heart and i had a totally unique image of her in my mind and heart. Anyways, my medicines are helping me to live my life well.
If you read about Obsession; my type is of "a living person influences someone else". Some one i know, the girl i loved has influenced me and thats why its hell hard for me to live and its hard to control, may be she really has.

Other symptoms of Panic Attacks

Emotional
Terror, or a sense that something unimaginably horrible is about to occur and one is powerless to prevent it
Fear of losing control
Fear of death
Fear of going crazy
Flashbacks to earlier panic trigger

Perceptual
Heightened senses
The apparent slowing down or speeding up of time
Dream-like sensation or perceptual distortion (derealization)
Dissociation, or the perception that one is not connected to the body or is disconnected from space and time (depersonalization)
Feeling of loss of free will, as if acting entirely automatically without control

Mental
Loss of the ability to react logically to stimuli Loss of cognitive ability in general
Racing thoughts (often based on fear; a repeated or illogical worry)
Loud internal dialogue
Feeling of impending doom
Feeling of "going crazy"
Extreme worried feeling Feeling of extreme nervousness
Feeling out of control
Feeling of Threatening
Feeling of anti-social behaviour from other people
Vision is somewhat impaired; (eyes may feel like they are shaking.)

Symptoms of Panic Attacks - Physical

An extremely unpleasant sensation of adrenaline over the entire body
Sweating Shortness of breath
Racing or pounding heartbeat or palpitations
Chest pain Dizziness or vertigo Lightheadedness
Nausea / stomach pains
Hyperventilation
Choking or smothering sensations
Tingling or numbness in the hands, face, feet or mouth
Hot/cold flashes
Trembling or shaking
Exhaustion Feeling of physical weakness or limpness of the body.
Uncontrollable crying

My Attacks

I got the panic disorder due to intense depression and worries. This disorder sucks & i feel as if i am dying. I feel as if something terribly bad is going to happen & i feel as if i am getting a heart attack. I was always affraid of loosing the girl i loved and worried a lot about the down's in her life. That left me sad and depressed all day long which gave me this panic disorder. The symptoms given here are the actual symptoms i get whenever i get an attack. They are not all the symptoms of the panic attacks, but i discarded the symptoms that i never had during attacks.

Some other tips for Panic Attacks

If you are having a panic disorder then you must stop taking coffee and eating lot of chocolates, even tea is not recommended when you have panic disorder. I searched a hell on internet and i got to know this, so if you are on this site and reading this at present then you are lucky because it took me a long time to find this out. But more than that when i did stop consuming all those things it did help me. I stopped drinking coffee and tea and reduced eating chocolates all the time. But sometimes its ok to have a coffee or tea. But again, it helps us no matter how less.
Personally, I think Anti-Dep is working on me. I m not recommending you this but kind of making you aware of this. So you can talk about this medicine about your pschyciatrist. I get a panic attack but just when i feel i m about to get attack i take Anti-Dep ( max 2 tablet ) then i feel better. So i could say i am living on Anti-Dep. Thats for depression and i dont know what is the relation between depession and panic attacks. Yeah there is some relation but how could just anti depressant possibly work on it ? so isnt that kind of something new ? Well thats why my personal advice to you is to talk about this with your doctor. I am not some kind of an expert but just a guy who gets panic attacks as you already know.

Things to do when you get Panic Attacks

I have had panic disorder since 10 months and i have personally tried my best to control myself when i get panic attacks. So here are few tips that you can follow to feel better. I know how hard it is to control when we get panic attacks. But as i have tried my best it really did work to some extend no matter how less but i will share that with you so that you can do the same to make yourself feel better. So this advice is from the one who get panic attack to those who get panic attacks.
When you get panic attack the adrenaline level in your entire body suddenly increases and then you feel suffocated. You feel suffocated because your body lacks oxygen leven and thats why you try to breath fast and you think as if you cannot breath. But at this moment just lay on the bed and hold your breath as long as you can and exhale and then again inhale and repeat this for few minutes and you will see the effect just in few minutes.
When you get panic attacks you even feel pain in your legs the above technic will help you in this too. All you have to do is lay on the bed and hold your breath and try to relax by closing your eyes. I know it might be difficult for you to do this because i know how it is and i have personally gone through all that but still you can do this and as i said above no matter how less, it does help all the time.

Obsession

Obsession is one of the cornerstones of the religious activity within Spiritism. It is defined by Allan Kardec as the interference of a subjugating spirit on a weaker one and, although usually taken for granted as meaning the negative influence of the spirit of an evil deceased person on the mind of another one that is alive, can occur either way.

It is discussed by Spiritists as the major danger that the unprepared medium will have to face and is believed to be one of the most frequent causes of mental diseases and criminal behaviour. It is "treated" at Spiritist Centres by means of praying and teaching.

Technically, "obsession" is any unwanted influence of a spirit, when it alters or suppresses the normal manifestation of the personality of the subject. It can occur when:

1. a spirit influences a living person,
2. a living person influences someone else,
3. a living person influences a spirit,
4. a spirit influences another spirit.

In the first case the victim suffers but does not know whence his suffering comes. The obsessed may be lead to behave abnormally without apparent reason and will not be able to explain his deeds/crimes.

In the second case the victim knows he is being influenced and usually reacts, but is unable to resist the will of the obsessor. The victim may resort to violence.

The third case mostly occurs when the spirit of a deceased person is not able to break his bonds with the living and hangs around, suffering as they suffer.

The fourth case is mostly like the second.

Lucid Dreaming

A lucid dream is a dream in which the person is aware that he or she is dreaming while the dream is in progress. During lucid dreams, it is often possible to exert conscious control over the dream characters and environment, as well as to perform otherwise physically impossible feats. Lucid dreams are known to be extremely real and vivid.

A lucid dream can begin in one of two ways. A dream-initiated lucid dream (DILD) starts as a normal dream, and the dreamer eventually concludes that he or she is dreaming, or a wake-initiated lucid dream (WILD) occurs when the dreamer goes from a normal waking state directly into a dream state with no apparent lapse in consciousness.

Lucid dreaming has been researched scientifically, and its existence is well established. Scientists such as Allan Hobson, with his neurophysiological approach to dream research, have helped to push the understanding of lucid dreaming into a less speculative realm.

Fake Awakening

A false awakening is an event in which someone dreams they have awakened from sleep. This illusion of having awakened is very convincing to the person. After a false awakening, people will usually dream of performing daily morning rituals, believing they have truly awakened. A dream in which a false awakening takes place is sometimes colloquially referred to as a "double dream", or a "dream within a dream".

A false awakening may occur either following an ordinary dream or following a lucid dream (one in which the dreamer has been aware that he or she is dreaming). Particularly if the false awakening follows a lucid dream, the false awakening may turn into a ‘pre-lucid dream' , that is, one in which the dreamer may start to wonder if he or she is really awake and may or may not come to the correct conclusion. More commonly, dreamers will believe they are awake Because the dreamer is still dreaming after a false awakening, it is possible for there to be more than one false awakening in a single dream. Often, dreamers will seem to have awakened, begin eating breakfast, brushing teeth, and so on and then find themselves back in bed, begin daily morning rituals, believe that they have awakened, and so forth. The French psychologist Yves Delage reported an experience of his own of this kind, in which he experienced four successive false awakenings. The philosopher Bertrand Russell even claimed to have experienced ‘about a hundred’ false awakenings in succession while coming round from a general anaesthetic.

Sleep Paralysis

Sleep paralysis is a condition characterized by temporary paralysis of the body shortly after waking up known as hypnopompic paralysis or, less often, shortly before falling asleep known as hypnagogic paralysis.

Physiologically, it is closely related to the paralysis that occurs as a natural part of REM (rapid eye movement) sleep, which is known as REM atonia. Sleep paralysis occurs when the brain awakes from a REM state, but the bodily paralysis persists. This leaves the person fully aware, but unable to move. In addition, the state may be accompanied by hypnagogic hallucinations.

More often than not, sleep paralysis is believed by the person affected by it to be no more than a dream. This explains many dream recountings which describe the person lying frozen and unable to move. The hallucinatory element to sleep paralysis makes it even more likely that someone will interpret the experience as a dream, since completely fanciful, or dream-like, objects may appear in the room alongside one's normal vision.

Sleep paralysis occurs during REM sleep, thus preventing the body from manifesting movements made in the subject's dreams. Very little is known about the physiology of sleep paralysis. However, some have suggested that it may be linked to post-synaptic inhibition of motor neurons in the pons region of the brain. In particular, low levels of melatonin may stop the depolarization current in the nerves, which prevents the stimulation of the muscles, to prevent the body from enacting the dreamt activity.

Several studies have concluded that many or most people will experience sleep paralysis at least once or twice in their lives. Many people who commonly enter sleep paralysis also suffer from narcolepsy. In African-Americans, panic disorder co-occurs with sleep paralysis more frequently than in Caucasians. Some reports read that various factors increase the likelihood of both paralysis and hallucinations. These include:

Sleeping in an upwards supine position Irregular sleeping schedules; naps, sleeping in, sleep deprivation Increased stress Sudden environmental/lifestyle changes.

A lucid dream that immediately precedes the episode.

Also conscious induction of sleep paralysis is a common technique to enter a state of lucid dreams, also known as WILD.

Artificial sleeping aids, ADD medications and/or antihistamines Recent use of hallucinogenic drugs

Panic Attacks

Panic attacks are sudden, discrete periods of intense anxiety, fear and discomfort that are associated with a variety of somatic and cognitive symptoms. The onset of these episodes is typically abrupt, and may have no obvious trigger. Although these episodes may appear random, they are considered to be a subset of an evolutionary response commonly referred to as fight or flight that occur out of context, flooding the body with hormones ( Adrenalin) that aid in defending itself from harm.

According to the American Psychological Association the symptoms of a panic attack commonly last approximately ten minutes. However, panic attacks can be as short as 1-5 minutes, while more severe panic attacks may form a cyclic series of episodes, lasting for an extended period, sometimes hours. Often those afflicted will experience significant anticipatory anxiety in between attacks and in situations where attacks have previously occurred.

Panic attacks also affect people differently. Experienced sufferers may be able to completely 'ride out' a panic attack with little to no obvious symptoms. Others, notably first time sufferers, may even call for emergency services; many who experience a panic attack for the first time fear they are having a heart attack or a nervous breakdown.