Welcome to hell.

I just wanted to say something. I don't really want to bother you but i don't know why i think you are the one i should say. Well, right know i am pretty angry on myself because whats happening to me. Its 4.17 am and i didn't sleep for one 4 seconds since 9pm yesterday. Before yesterday it was worst already. My entire body is getting jerked, i get kind of shocked as soon as i fall asleep right in that second. My neck, hands and legs get jolts. Sudden Uncontrolled movement of body parts. I have really had enough so whatever happens i am going to accept it. Its my spirit, its my physical body and i control them. If my stomach don't want to digest anything then let that be, who cares if that kills me, my stomach is going to burn. So if my stomach don't care then why should i? If my brain gives my body jerks and if my brain don't want me to sleep then why the hell should i even try to sleep ? Let that me, i will get online in yahoo rooms and pass the night. and if that kills me then who cares, my brain is going to burn. So if my brain does not care then why the hell should i? My granny is awake and i told her i don't care anymore let anything happen to me. i am going to die soon. I am not quitting this. I am "Accepting" whatever happens to me. Because here is the twist. There is a lot to what happens to me. But even my dad and mom dont believe whatever is happening to me. Every time they are always like a big "WHY", why and just "WHY" all such things are happening to you? At this age i am going through all these things. Which, usually people get at the age of 55+. Moreover, while typing this, i don't know why the hell only my little finger of the left hand is getting sprain? Weird, may be something is wrong with my brain, tumor, blood clotting or something. so fine let that be, i don't care. It my brain does not want to function properly then why the hell should i force it by going to doctors and eating drugs ? I went to so many doctors each give different medicines without even listening to entire history. I didn't take any panic disorder drugs for 4 or 5 days and i started getting that obsession feeling in my heart. Light panic attacks, i missed that girl i loved so much. My parents are telling me to get a CITI scan of brain to see whats in it. May be i am paying for my sins, or may be its because i asked got for suffering for safety, protection and happiness of the girl i loved who has an incurable disease and for my grand mother and for all those innocent, poor people on streets i ever saw. Well, i am sure it is because of me asking to god. But, the only thing is i don't really want to waste money in all this and time in thinking about why such things always happens to me. I don't know exactly but i know i must have sinned a lot as everyone does as those 10 commandments are way to impossible to follow... Ah...i just got a stroke on the left side of my brain. I am in hell. May something bless me. I am going to DIIIEEEEEEEEeeeeee.